


it was like looking in a mirror

by ironccap



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV), Tiempos compulsivos
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Doppelganger, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Martín meets Esteban, Mention of abuse, Soft Kisses, Therapy, aka two characters Rodrigo de la Serna played meet each other, crackfic, soft boyfriends, what if worlds collided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:46:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironccap/pseuds/ironccap
Summary: it is said that every person has at least 6 or 7 doppelgangers. however, the chances of meeting them, are rather small. and yet, martín did meet his. a younger, black haired version of himself, who went by the name of 'esteban'.also known as the la casa de papel + tiempos compulsivos crossover fic.(oh, and andrés is there as well)
Relationships: Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa/Palermo | Martín Berrote, Esteban Soldeyra | Sofía Muntabski
Comments: 12
Kudos: 49





	it was like looking in a mirror

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maleclipse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maleclipse/gifts), [Nia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nia/gifts).



> thank you so much for reading this! i rewatched tiempos compulsivos a few weeks ago, and i just felt like esteban and martín would totally bond with each other, and they deserve to meet each other :,) so that's how this fic was created.
> 
> special thanks go out to [maleclipse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maleclipse) for beta'ing this fic! lina, you're a lifesaver, I couldn't have done this without you and your support! also thanks to nia, for supporting me to write this fic! i love you guys so much
> 
> you can always find me on [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/hannib4l)
> 
> enjoy!

Martín had been walking around in the same streets for quite a while now, looking for a psychiatric facility. He had an appointment in exactly ten minutes, and since it was a group session, he couldn’t afford to be late. 

Furiously, he tilted his head down, trying to follow the directions his Google Maps were giving him, but he was growing more frustrated every passing second. How hard could it be to find one big building?

It was Helsinki who had recommended him this psychiatry. He’d told Martín that he’d been here several times himself, and that the sessions he had followed, had really helped him with the traumatic experiences he had suffered from for quite some time. 

And Martín, he needed help. He needed to figure out what was going on with him, why he felt so bad despite having everything he could ever wish for. 

Andrés and he had gone through a lot together. Andrés thought he had been dying. He’d said goodbye to Martín. Martín had spent years suffering, thinking he had lost him for good.

And a few years later, Andrés had been back at his doorstep. 

After a lot of screaming, crying, accusing and fighting, Martín had been able to forgive Andrés. But it had cost him a lot of energy, and a lot of time. And that had certainly not helped him with his already decreasing mental wellbeing. 

Andrés had felt guilty, had tried to help Martín. And it worked, it really did. But Andrés was no psychologist. He realised that Martín needed professional help as well. 

So that's why Martín was now currently walking around in Buenos Aires, desperately looking for the facility.

He had been wary at first. He didn’t feel like laying out all his problems in front of a bunch of strangers. But in the end, he had caved. Mainly for himself, but partly for Andrés as well. He knew Andrés was worried about him and that he only wanted to help him. So he had agreed to go. 

If only he could find the goddamn building. 

He was about to send a text message to the number of the clinic, saying how he would probably be late - when he crashed into another person. 

He looked up, staring directly in the dark brown eyes of a young lady. She had black, half-long hair, and a short fringe that didn’t cover her eyebrows. She had a nose piercing and looked rather pale. She was about to yell something at him, probably for crashing into her, but then her eyes flashed with something similar to recognition, and she smiled.

“Hey, Esteban, _mi amor_! I guess you’re also on your way to the group session?” she said cheerfully. 

What?

The girl was about to hug Martín. He immediately backed away, throwing his hands up. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, lady. I think you’re confusing me with someone else,” he said, a bit frustrated because he absolutely hated it when people disrespected his personal space like that.

The expression of the girl changed to one of confusion, and then embarrassment.

“Oh, I’m sorry, you’re right. But I have to say, you look exactly like my boyfriend,” she said. 

Martín gave her a thin smile then, ready to continue his search. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

But then, he turned on his heels. Maybe this lady could help him out in his search. After all, he’d heard her say something about a group session. It could be a coincidence, but he could try.

“Excuse me, can I ask you a question?” he asked. 

The young lady turned around, smiling. “Yes, go ahead,” she said.

“Do you, by all means, know where this building is? I’ve been trying to look for it for half an hour now, and I’m slowly going insane. I have an appointment in,” he looked at his watch, groaning, “less than five minutes,” he showed her the building on his phone.

“Yes, I know where that is! In fact, I was heading there myself as well, c’mon,” she said, leading the way. 

Martín smiled, a relieved sigh escaping his lips. Maybe he was going to make in on time after all.

“Oh, by the way, my name’s Sofía,” the girl, Sofia, added.

“I’m Martín, nice to meet you,” he said, following along.

After a short walk, they had finally reached the psychiatric facility. He thanked Sofía, and they both walked inside. At the reception, they were greeted by a lady with long, black hair.

“You can already enter the room, the group session will start when everyone is present,” the lady said.

Martín followed Sofía inside the room. There were already a few other people sitting there as well. Sofia greeted all of them. Martín just gave a tiny nod and a small smile. He took place in one of the chairs and waited. 

Another five minutes passed by, and then the doors opened again. Two people entered the room and introduced themselves as being Julieta and Ricardo, the psychologist and doctor that would be leading this group session.

“I assume Esteban is late again?” a lady, who had previously introduced herself as Inés, said at the same time. The female therapist, Julieta, looked up at Sofía questioningly. 

“He had to pass by the nursery home, he’ll probably be here soon,” Sofía said, giving the therapist an apologetic smile.

“We can already start without him. He already knows most of the people here, anyway. Maybe we can start the group talk today with you?” Julieta said, eyeing Martín as she spoke. He was a bit nervous. He didn’t like speaking in front of groups of people he didn’t know yet, even if they were small.

“Uh, yes. Sure,” Martín said then, inhaling deeply, “My name is Martín Berrote. I’m an engineer. I was born here, in Buenos Aires, but for the biggest part of my life, I’ve lived in Palermo, in Sicily. Me and my boyfriend only recently moved back here.”

“Hello, Martín. Nice to meet you,” the male therapist, Ricardo, said. The rest of the group mumbled their own greetings as well.

Everyone quickly introduced themselves to Martín. He tried to memorise everyone’s names. 

There was Inés, who had previously spoken up. She mentioned something about having an eating disorder. Then there was Teresa, struggling with multiple personalities. Gerardo, who said he worked way too much. And then there was Sofía, who didn’t really say why she was there, but just stated that this therapy had helped her a lot before already. 

Julieta was just about to speak up again, when the door to the room opened abruptly. A man, wearing a black suit and a striped purple tie, entered.

“Sorry I’m late, I had to go help in the nursery home with some-,” he said, stopping immediately when his eyes fell on Martín, “stuff.”

Martín was just sitting there, frozen in his chair, unable to form any sentence. He felt as if he was looking in a mirror. Or even better, as if he was looking at his own younger self that had just burst through the door. 

“ _Puta madre_ , who are you?” the other ‘him’ said then. Martín thought he had fallen into some weird dream.

“Uh, I’m Martín. I’m sorry, but is anyone else seeing this?” he said when he finally regained his voice again. He turned to Sofía, who had a smug smile on her face. 

“I told you you looked similar to my boyfriend,” she said, laughing. 

“Hello, uh, Martín, I’m Esteban” the other man said then, stepping forward and outstretching his hand, “are you sure I’m not hallucinating or something?” 

Martín took his hand and shook it firmly. He looked right into his own blue eyes, still not fully grasping everything that was happening.

God, this was bizarre.

“No, you’re not hallucinating, Esteban. Take a seat, so we can start the session,” Julieta said kindly.

“Excuse me, but are you two related?” Ricardo said. Julieta gave him a look, silencing him. She clearly took her job very seriously, and just wanted to start the actual therapy. 

“No, we are not… I think?” Martín said. He remembered reading something a few years ago about how every person has approximately six doppelgangers. The chances of meeting them, are rather small, but they exist. This was just a strange coincidence. Still, he couldn’t stop staring at the other ‘him’. It gave him a strange feeling. 

“I have never met this man in my entire life,” Esteban just stated, raising his eyebrows. 

Julieta cleared her throat, clearly annoyed. That was the sign that finally made everyone pay attention again. 

“Right. Esteban, I’m glad you could join us. Please, take a seat so we can begin the session,” Julieta repeated.

“I want to know how your week has been. But first of all, I would like to start with Martín telling us some more about why he’s here,” she turned her head in Martín's direction. He started to nervously shift in his seat, swallowing hard. “Only if you’re comfortable with it, of course,” she added when she noticed his discomfort.

“Yeah, sure. I mean, that’s why I’m here, isn’t it?” he said, smiling weakly. Then, he sat a bit straighter, taking a deep breath. He looked around the room, noticing everyone looking at him expectantly. 

“Right, so. I got diagnosed with depression when I was fifteen. It was shortly after my father had died. It wasn’t his death that was the direct course for my depression, I think. Anyway, I was left alone with my mom. She hit me,” he said, swallowing deeply. He could see Esteban flinch a bit at his words. When he locked eyes with him, he saw understanding and compassion there. “Anyway, she hated me. At least, that’s what she always made me believe. I think she blamed me for my father’s death. When I turned seventeen, she kicked me out of the house.”

The room had gone dead silent. Martín didn’t feel uncomfortable with it. If anything, he felt relieved that he had been able to share this.

He’d talked about this with Andrés as well, but it always ended up with him in tears. He loved Andrés’ gentle, reassuring touches and his loving words, and he knew Andrés would always be there for him, but he also realised he needed help from professionals as well. 

“Why did she kick you out? If you want to share this, of course,” Ricardo asked.

“Because I’m gay,” Martín said, “but I don’t think that was the actual reason. If anything, it was just an excuse to get rid of me. I didn’t really mind it, to be honest. I was glad I wouldn’t have to suffer her abuse anymore. I stayed with Mirko, my best friend, from then on.”

Julieta nodded, attentively making eye contact with Martín, encouraging him to go on. 

“I thought I would be fine. I didn’t have any contact with her anymore. A few years later, I got the message from a family member that she’d died. It affected me a lot more than it should have, it’s stupid,” he said.

“I don’t think it is,” Esteban interjected, “I mean, it was still a loss. It’s normal.”

Martín just smiled at his words. He wanted to go on, but something was stopping his this time. What he was about to reveal now, was something he was deeply ashamed of. Only Andrés knew, because he had found out on accident. It was one of the main reasons why he had looked for help. He started fumbling with his sleeves. Julieta noticed this, and spoke up.

“Thank you, Martín. You don’t have to share any more if you don’t feel comfortable doing so.”

Martín sighed, relieved. He could see Sofía eyeing him from the side of the room. 

The rest of the session passed by rather quickly. Inés shared some more information on her eating disorder. She told the group proudly about the fact that she’d gained more weight, and everyone was happy for her. Then, Teresa said she was still struggling a lot. But, she was also hopeful.

Esteban was rather quiet. Martín didn’t know if he usually was like this, or if he just didn’t have much to say. 

“And what about you, Esteban?” Julieta asked. She must have noticed his quietness as well. 

Esteban just shrugged his shoulders, looking sad. “I went to visit my _mami_. She’s not doing good. She doesn’t know who I am anymore. She thought I was her husband.”

“So, she confused you with your dad?” Inés asked. Clearly, that was the wrong thing to say. Esteban got furious. 

“That man was _never_ my father!” he yelled.

Martín was taken aback by the sudden anger in his voice. He saw Esteban leave from his chair, storming out of the room. Julieta quickly exited as well, going after him to calm him down. 

Ricardo cleared his throat, looking at his watch, “I’ve noticed that an hour has passed by already. I think it’s best if we wrap it up here for today. I’ll see you all back in three days.”

Martín looked at his phone, seeing he had a text message from Andrés that said he would pick him up after his therapy. Martín quickly sent a heart emoji and a thumb back as a response. 

This first group session had only been a short one in which they explored the issues of the patients in detail, so there hadn’t been time yet to focus on the actual therapy. Nevertheless, Martín had felt good when he walked out of the room. A weight had fallen off of his shoulder. It wasn’t much, but it was something. He felt hopeful.

“Hey, Martín! A question, do you want to join me and Esteban for lunch?” Sofía asked, walking up from behind him. 

“Uh, maybe next time if that’s okay? We already had plans with my boyfriend,” Martín said. He was surprised he even said maybe, but he felt surprisingly at ease with the group and with a few days mental preparation Martín actually probably would enjoy it. “Though, I will probably bring Andrés with me?”

“Yeah the next time sounds perfectly fine! And the more, the merrier,” Sofía said with a smile. Martín saw Esteban exit from another room and guessed it was probably where he’d ran off to when he had stormed out of the group session only minutes earlier.

Esteban was already walking a bit ahead of Sofia and Martín. They followed him, about to step out of the building as well, when Sofia grasped Martín by his arm.

“Martín, I saw you were a bit uncomfortable at the end of the session. I just want to say that it’s totally okay not to tell people certain things. But, you should also know that whatever is said in those therapy sessions, stays between those four walls. So, you don’t have to be afraid,” she said. 

Martín just gave her a weak smile at that. He knew she meant it well. But he just wasn’t ready yet. 

“Thank you, Sofía,” he answered back, and he meant it, “now, let’s go outside. Andrés is already waiting for me.”

They both exited the building, Sofía was talking a bit more about how she and Esteban met each other during one of the group sessions a few years ago, and about the child they had. Martín didn’t like children, but it made him still weirdly happy. He was listening attentively, but in the meantime he was also looking around, searching Andrés. And then, he saw him. He also saw Esteban. 

He had to blink twice to make sure that what he saw was actually happening. 

And sadly, it was.

Andrés was _kissing_ Esteban.

Oh. Oh, no.

“Uh, is the man that’s currently kissing my boyfriend perhaps your boyfriend, Martín?” Sofía asked, stopping dead in her tracks.

He heard the string of curse words only seconds later. 

“ _La concha de tu madre_! What the fuck is going on?” that was Esteban.

“Yeah, I think that’s him,” Martín answered slowly, mentally face-palming.

He saw Esteban pushing Andrés away. The expression on Andrés’ face was one of confusion at first, but then when he looked over Esteban’s shoulder, locking eyes with Martín, it changed to one of pure terror. 

“ _Lo siento_! I, uh, I mistook you for someone else! I didn’t mean to do that,” Andrés said.

“Yeah, I may hope so. What the hell,” Esteban yelled.

“I thought you were him,” Andrés said, still looking mortified. He pointed at Martín, who had now arrived.

Martín didn’t know what kind of expression was currently on his face, but it couldn’t be good. Esteban threw his hands in the air, defensively. 

“Don’t look at me like that! I wasn’t the one who initiated this kiss, that was the Spaniard! Blame him!” Esteban said.

Martín locked eyes with Andrés, then. “Andrés, _por favor_ ,” he said, “how can you mistake him for me? I would _never_ wear a tie like that.” That earned him a huff from Esteban. 

“I’m sorry! But, _cariño_ , you have to admit, you two look awfully similar. I am scared, even,” Andrés answered.

“We do look almost exactly the same. I think I found my doppelganger,” Martín said then, stepping a bit closer to Andrés.

“Yeah, I think so too. But tell me, how was the session? I really missed you today,” Andrés said then, and Martín’s expression softened at those last five words. 

“I think it went okay. It was just an introduction, but it felt good,” Martín answered, “and I missed you too.” He closed the gap between him and Andrés, giving the other man a chaste kiss. They kept staying close when Martín added in a whisper, “by the way, you’re going to have to make this up to me.”

Andrés’ expression changed to one of confusion again. 

“Make what up to you?” he asked.

“Kissing another man,” Martín said, mocking a jealous expression. 

Andrés just snorted at that and rolled his eyes, “Sure, I’ll make it up to you. But you have to be patient, my dear. Right now, I’m starving.”

—

When the next group session rolled around, Martín was even glad to see Esteban and Sofía again. He felt a lot more at ease in the group and after it, Sofía and Esteban caught him, and Andrés, who was this time waiting inside, on their way out and asked about the lunch again. 

“Sure,” Martín found himself to say and gave an asking look to his boyfriend.

“Yeah, sure. If it’s not a problem for you guys?” Andrés added, eyeing Sofía and Esteban again.

Sofía just shook her head. 

“Not at all, I’m the one who proposed it, after all!” she said.

“Just promise me you won’t kiss me again, and we’re good,” Esteban answered jokingly. 

“Yeah, because I won’t tolerate it this time. You should keep your hands off of my boyfriend!” Sofía said.

“Right, I can do that,” Andrés said. 

“You better,” Sofía said, but she gave Andrés a light smile, showing him that she wasn’t actually mad, but rather amused.

The four of them walked for a while, Sofía taking the lead. Somewhere halfway during their walk, Martin had slowed his passes down and was now walking next to Esteban. They hadn’t really addressed what had happened at the end of the session. Martin wanted to ask Esteban if he was all right, but he didn’t know how to start. He cleared his throat. 

“Esteban, I have been wondering how to ask this but, at the first session...” he trailed off.

“Let me guess, you want to know if I’m not going insane,” Esteban said.

“No. I just want to know if you’re alright,” Martín said.

“Define being alright,” Esteban answered.

“Just.. if you’re okay? I don’t know what happened, and you don’t have to give me any details or anything, but I just want to know if you’re okay,” Martín said.

“I’m not ‘okay’. But I’m better than I was before. Just, the mention of certain people… it triggers me, and then I lash out. I know Inés didn’t mean anything bad by referring to that piece of shit like that, but it’s just.. it’s hard for me to talk about. But I’m fine, don’t worry,” he said.

“Okay. You can always talk to me. I know we’ve only just met like three days ago, but I’m a good listener,” Martín answered. 

“What happened with that man… is similar to what you said about your mother,” Esteban said, sighing. He didn’t make eye contact with Martín and just kept staring right in front of him.

“I’m s-,” Martín was about to say how he was sorry for Esteban, and that he could imagine what he had to go through, when Esteban cut him off. 

“It’s fine. Sofía helps me a lot, with processing it. I’m glad I have someone who’s there for me, no matter what kind of shit happens. She’s always by my side. I love her so much. She’s special to me, she gives me a purpose in this life. Do you get what I mean?” Esteban said, fondly staring at Sofía.

Martín found himself staring at Andrés, who had thrown his head back in laughter because of something that Sofía had said, and god, he looked so beautiful. He was Martín’s sun, his moon and all his stars. 

Andrés returning into his life had been the best thing that had ever happened to Martín. It hadn’t always been perfect, he had to admit that. But Andrés had admitted his mistakes, and from then on, he’d been there for Martín, no matter what had happened. He’d kissed his scars and called them beautiful. He’d made Martín feel loved, valued. He had convinced Martín that his life was worth it, that he belonged here. 

That he was enough.

“Yeah,” Martín turned his head to Esteban again, smiling “I get what you mean.”

A few minutes later, the four of them had arrived at the little restaurant. They stepped inside, and took place at a table at the side.

A waiter came to take their orders. He seemed to know Sofía and Esteban already and was very friendly. When his eyes fell on Martín, he looked rather confused.

“Wait, who is this?” he asked.

“Oh, I’m just him, but stronger,” Martín said, pointing at Esteban.

“Bitch, I will end you,” Esteban said back.

Sofía rolled her eyes. “Ignore them, please. That’s Martín, by the way,” she said, “he is new in the group sessions.”

The man nodded, “I see. Wow, you two look like brothers,” he added. He took their orders and disappeared again. 

“To be honest, I’m absolutely loving that black hair. Maybe you should try that out, _mi amor_ ,” Andrés said, eyeing Esteban.

“Excuse me, are you hitting on me?” Esteban said. 

“Yeah, Andrés, are you hitting on the fake me? Right in front of my salad? How dare you,” Martín said in a joking way, but still with a hint of jealousy in his voice. 

He knew Andrés wasn’t actually flirting with the other man, but somewhere in his mind, there was this stupid voice telling him something else. Andrés started to laugh, but his laughter cut off abruptly when he saw that Martín was serious. 

“Martín, I’m not! I was just observing,” Andrés said.

Martín didn’t say anything in return, but his expression must have betrayed how he actually felt. Because a second later, Andrés stood up from the table.

“Excuse us for a second,” he said, dragging Martín with him, who was heavily protesting, because of what was suddenly going on. Sofia just raised her eyebrows, already done with these men.

Once they were outside, Andrés came to stand in front of Martín, who just eyed him in confusion.

“Andrés, what the f-,” Martín started, but he got shut up quickly when Andrés collided their lips together, slamming him against the wall. Their tongues battled for dominance for a few seconds, but eventually Andrés won. They stayed like that for a while, their lips moving in sync. 

When they separated again, Martín was just staring up at Andrés, trying to catch his breath.

“Where did you do that for?” he managed to bring out eventually.

“What, I can’t kiss my boyfriend?” Andrés said, innocently.

“I mean, sure you can. But uh, why’d you drag me outside?” Martín said back.

“Because I wanted to have a quick talk,” Andrés said.

“About what? Andrés, I’m fine,” Martín answered.

“About me joking around. I didn’t mean anything by that, my love,” Andrés said, smiling.  
  
“Yeah, I mean… I guess? But you were flirting with him, and I knew it was just a harmless joke, but…” Martín said, looking at the ground. 

Andrés gently took him by his chin, forcing him to look up.

“Martín. You have to believe me when I say that you’re the only person for me on this entire planet. You’re the man of my dreams, you know that? I have never been more in love with anyone than with you,” he whispered the last part against Martín’s lips, kissing him passionately once again. 

“Andrés, I love you too. So much,” Martín answered eventually, between kisses.

When both of them parted again, their hair was a mess, and their cheeks were rather flushed.

“I’m sorry for my brain sometimes,” Martín mumbled. Andrés just stared at him, fondly, shaking his head.

“You should never apologize for these kind of things, Martín. I’m always here for you. You have to tell me when something is wrong. I love you, okay?” he kissed his cheek, “Now, let’s go inside again. They’re probably wondering what’s taking us this long,” Andrés added. Martín nodded, intertwining their hands. They walked back inside, both smiling and Martín with one worry less.

—

It became an after-session tradition, after that, and Andrés gladly joined Martín every time. 

"Hey, guys. Me and Esteban still have to pick up our little boy from day-care. Would you mind joining us, after lunch?" Sofía asked one time. They had talked about Martín meeting their son for a while now - and throughout the lunch, their conversation had been trailing to children. 

"I mean, I love kids," Martín answered and Andrés nearly spat out his drink at that.

"No, you don't," he said, laughing. 

"Okay, maybe I don't. But still, I don't mind joining you guys," Martín answered. He was somewhat anxious to meet the son of those two. 

"Great!" Sofia said. 

They all finished their meals, paid, and were ready to head out. Martín was about to say something to Andrés, when he suddenly heard Sofía call his name.

"Yes?" he asked, walking next to her. 

"So, I was just wondering, you would never want kids?" Sofía asked him, genuinely interested.

"I never said that," Martín answered, "I just don't like kids in general, but I think it's different if they're your own."

"Yeah, it is," Sofía said, smiling. 

"I'm just afraid I’d hurt them," Martín whispered after a while. He didn't mean to say it, it just slipped out.

Sofía looked at him.

"Martín. You're not your mother. You know that, right? The fact that you're already worrying so much about this, about a child you don't even have yet, that means a lot, you know. It means you will care for that baby, you will love and protect it with everything you have, and you will never hurt it." she said.

"To me, it feels like you've had this conversation before," Martín just answered. He didn't know what else to say.

Sofía eyed Esteban. She looked sad.

"Yeah, I have," she answered truthfully, "but our child... It's the best thing that has ever happened to me, or to him." 

A while later, they arrived at the day-care center. Sofía and Esteban quickly went inside, leaving Martín and Andrés waiting outside the building.

"I'm glad you're feeling at ease in the therapy, _cariño_ ," Andrés said, wiping away a strand of hair that had fallen into Martín's eyes.

"Yeah, I'm glad too. I have been supposed to ask… You can come with me next time, if you want to, of course?” Martín offered. 

"Really?" Andrés said, looking happy.

"Yeah, really," Martín answered, softly.

"I'll definitely be there, _amor_. I want to be there for you, every step you take. I want to be able to support you and love you," Andrés said, kissing his cheek.

"You already do that, _mi alma_ ," Martín said, turning his head, so their lips collided for their second kiss. This kiss was soft, quick, but full of love.

A moment later, Esteban exited with a baby stroller. Sofía walked next to him.

When they reached Martín and Andrés again, Esteban took his baby boy out of the stroller, holding him carefully. The baby looked peacefully asleep, and it was adorable to see. Esteban was rocking him back and forth calmly, adoration clear on his face.

"Do you guys want to hold him?" Sofía asked, then. Martín shared one, unsure look with Andrés. He was scared to do this. Like he said before, he would not want to accidentally hurt this baby, ever. He'd never forgive himself.

It was the reassuring smile of Andrés, and the small, comforting gesture of his hand squeezing his shoulder, that persuaded him to say yes.

Esteban securely gave him his baby to hold, and the second the boy was in Martín's arms, all the rest of the world seemed to fade away. The baby was so small, so vulnerable. He looked so peaceful. A tiny boy, who didn't know about any of the cruelties taking place in the world. Martín hoped he never would. 

"I want one," Martín whispered. 

He exchanged once again a look with Andrés, and when he looked into the other man's eyes, he saw them being full of love, full of adoration. He knew that what he saw in Andrés' eyes, was reflected into his as well. 

Andrés wrapped his one arm around Martín's waist and kissed his temple. 

"Me too, cariño," Andrés said. Martín felt his heart go into overdrive. He'd never actually considered having children before. But now, after this day, he could totally picture it. 

Him and Andrés, together in their monastery, living their lives together, with their kids. 

He knew it would be something for the far future, but he was okay with that. Now, the most important thing for Martín was to heal his own wounds. To take care of himself first. 

But, he would manage it. Step by step, he would get better. He would finally let himself allow to heal. 

"I love you, Andrés," he whispered.

Martín knew that his past could not be changed. It could only be accepted, in order for him to move on. 

It was his future, that was yet to be defined, laying completely in his own power. And his future held promising things 

But the most important thing, wasn't his past or his future. It was his present. His here and now. The present was like a gift, like a journey.

And he wasn't alone in his journey. He had Esteban and Sofía now. And he had Andrés.

Andrés, who had always been there for him. Who had never stopped loving him, always had believed in him. 

"I love you too, Martín," Andrés answered.

His other half, someone indispensable to him.

His soulmate.

His life.

Making him feel worth it.

Making him feel enough.

Making him feel _lovely_.

—

I'll pray that one day you see

The only difference between life and dying

Is one is trying, that's all we're called to do

So try to love me and I'll try to save you

  
Won't you stay alive?

I'll take you on a ride

I will make you believe you are **lovely**.


End file.
